Fic post

[oneiriad]

Title: Nowhere
Fandom: Supernatural
Disclaimer: SPN does not belong to me.
A/N: Angsty ficlet, went AU in the middle of 5.22.

 The grass is soft against his cheek and fingers are sliding through his hair.

 He looks at the grass, green stalks right in front of his eyes, dancing slightly in the mild breeze. He digs his fingers experimentally into the ground. It’s soft and warm and…

 He closes his eyes, rolls over onto his back and lies blinking until the dancing spots go away.

 The fingers are still threading through his hair.

 “Gabriel?”

 The fingers pause for just a moment.

 “Right here, kiddo.”

 “Where are we?”

 He thinks it’s a sigh he feels, rising and falling against his side.

 “What’s the last thing you remember, Sam?”

 He looks up at a cloud. It reminds him of something, but he’s not quite sure what.

 “I think – I think I said yes.”

 “Yeah.”

 “We were – we were going to trick him. You’d have been so proud, Gabriel. You’d have been so proud of us. Except…”

 He closes his eyes against the memories, against the tarnished gold, against the drowning, the burning.

 Gabriel is a warm presence next to him, a hand reaching out to squeeze his.

 “I know. I was watching, hoping you’d make it. Praying.”

 He opens his eyes, looks back up at the cloud. Tries not to remember the tarnished gold, tries to only recall the sudden, dizzying brightness.

 “You – you came back for me.”

 He’s not quite sure why he’s clutching at Gabriel’s hand.

 “Yeah. I waited until I was absolute sure it wouldn’t work. I’m sorry.”

 The cloud isn’t fluffy or white.

 “Why are you sorry? If…”

 “Because I think I waited too long.”

 The hand unwinds from his, starts stroking him. It’s warm.

 He lies a bit, looking up at the cloud. It’s funny, it kind of almost looks like…

 “Dean! Where’s Dean?”

 He didn’t notice sitting up.

 “He’s not here. I’m sorry.”

 Gabriel’s arms are wrapped around him, warm, safe, immovable.

 “Dammit, Gabriel, let me go. I need to find him. I said let me go.”

 The arms don’t budge.

 “I’m sorry, Sammy. I can’t.”

 Eventually he stops struggling.

 “Come on, Sammy. Let’s lie back down, yeah?”

 And they do.

 “Gabriel, please let me go?”

 The fingers are threading through his hair again.

 “I can’t, kiddo. I wish I could, I really do, but I can’t.”

 He feels the tears pressing on.

 “Please.”

 Lips ghost over his forehead.

 “I’m sorry.”

 It doesn’t stop the tears.

 “Why can’t you?”

 “Because there isn’t anywhere else.”

 He presses his forehead against Gabriel’s warm chest, letting the fingers slide through his hair, down his shoulders.

 “Gabriel, where are we, really?”

 The fingers still, again.

 “I took you, Sammy. I kept you.”

 He blinks.

 “I’m – I’m in you?”

 “Yes.”

 “Then – where are you?”

 He feels the sigh more than he hears it.

 “Nowhere. I’m nowhere, kiddo.”

 “Oh.”

 He rolls over, lets his head be cushioned against the warm chest. Arms fold around him, warm and safe. After a little while, he slides into sleep.

 He wakes to a view of clouds. He thinks they’re supposed to remind him of something, but he’s not sure what. In fact…

 “Gabriel?”

 The hand stroking his thigh stills for a moment.

 “Right here, kiddo.”

 He stares up at the clouds, blinks.

 “Where are we?”

 He feels the sigh, rising and falling.

 “What’s the last thing you remember, Sam?”

Comments

[icarus-chained.livejournal.com]

Oh, ow. Owowowowow. That last line. Oh, that hurts. That's ... soft and colourless and ... painful.

Wow. Ow.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you - it's just, as far as Supernatural is concerned, I kind of fear my angsty muse is the one having all the fun, if you know what I mean. And thanks for reading :-)

[order_of_chaos]

Soft and warm on the surface (*basks in surface sunshine*), yet underneath that... ouch. And that was before you looped it. So - I love this. It is tiny and epic and amazing, and the subtext has angst (or perhaps horror) stretching out to infinity, and the texttext has grass and clouds and warmth, also stretching out to infinity until that's its own kind of horror - only not from Sam's POV, which I'm so glad to be in. (I wonder if they'll go on forever like this - if they already have, even - or if Gabriel will run out of energy eventually.)

♥

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I'm thrilled you liked it :-)

(I wonder too - I suspect they've been there for a long, long time and that Gabriel is running low by now, which would explain them just lying around on some bit of grass, considering the worlds our favourite archangel can conjure up, but the thing is, I don't really know. All I really got outside of the story is an image of a shining ball of angelic grace wrapped around a tiny, little damaged human soul somewhere in the middle of nothing, growing dimmer and dimmer... except that didn't really manage to fit anywhere in the POV...)

[flowdab.livejournal.com]

damn, this really broke my heart.

Lovely writing though!

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Very sorry about you heart. I hope you managed to find all the pieces :-( And thanks :-)

[auroramama]

That's... devastating. Marvelously done. Now I'm gonna find some jolly crackfic.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-)

Now I'm gonna find some jolly crackfic.
Yeah, sounds like an idea. Think I'll do that too. Maybe inspire a crack muse to keep my angst muse company for a change...

[ebilchickens.livejournal.com]

Wow. Ouch. Beautifully written which made it ouch more. A great deal of quiet desperation in there. Wow.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much for saying so :-)

[darkamber.livejournal.com]

Lovely, and so sad. *wibbles*

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-)

[samjohnsson.livejournal.com]

Well, I had been in a good mood. Wow, you write amazingly well. It was devastating, right up until the loop, then oh! I think I feel sorrier for Gabriel, being in that particular hell.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Uhm, sorry about your mood - I didn't mean to?

Thank you for reading :-)

[samjohnsson.livejournal.com]

Any time writing can change my mood that dramatically? It's a good thing, darling.

[jabber-moose.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That broke me.

Beautiful job.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

*picks up pieces - puts in box and returns by mail*

Thank you :-)

[enchantersnight.livejournal.com]

Oh :(

That last line is a killer.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Sorry :-(

Thank you for reading, though :-)

[themindofelley.livejournal.com]

Wow. That's... so, so very sad. Poor Sammy! Poor Gabriel! D=

On the other hand, however, beautifully written, wonderfully, painfully looped at the end. At least they're not nowhere alone.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, very poor boys - but they suffer so well, don't they?

Thank you for reading :-)

[chimerablack.livejournal.com]

Aw, the poor, broken boys! So sad! =(

You did a wonderful job, though.

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-)

[loveinstars.livejournal.com]

Oh. My. God. *sobs*
I was listening to Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright from the Shrek Soundtrack, which to me is one of the saddest songs in existance, when I read this and I'm not ashamed to admit that it just made me bawl like a baby. I'm trying to write through blurry eyes but I just can't help it. This is all I'm gonna be able to think about for hours. It's so goddamn sad in a beautiful way and I just don't know.
I love it. That's all I can really say I guess.
Now, If you'll excuse me I'm going to go re-read and probably cry again.
Thank you so much for this.

[(Anonymous)]

So beautiful, yet heartbreaking. Seriously, my heart is breaking for the two of them. *Goes away to wipe away my silent tears*

[shadownashira.livejournal.com]

Those things you see on the floor there? Pieces of my heart. And my tears.

Thank you for writing this.