Thirsty?

[oneiriad]

So, I think I've just managed to write a very odd crossover ficlet. And I've no idea if it will make any sense to anybody, because I've no idea whether the commercial I'm crossovering poor Jack Sparrow with is even known outside of Denmark.

In case it isn't, it can be seen here

Oh well, anyway...

The Tuborg Beard Incident
by Oneiriad

Disclaimer: Potc are not mine. Neither is Tuborg. I only regret the former…

Captain Jack Sparrow swaggered across the deck towards his fine and fair, commodorial captive (freshly taken from a defeated Dauntless and still fuming about it). He found himself unable to stop his lips from forming a smirk, and it grew when he saw it echoed on several of his crewmembers’ faces. The prisoner just glared at him. Ah, but it was always such fun, having James Norrington as a ‘guest’.

“Well, well, Commodo…”

The strange popping sound reached his ears half a moment before a feeling similar to a thousand pinpricks engulfed his chin. Almost instantly it was gone again. If not for the collective gasp from all around him and the oddly cool feeling around his chin he might very well have discounted it.

A second popping sound – and Jack’s hand was moving even before the pinpricks returned, this time assailing his upper lip. But when he touched his face, they were already gone, and all he felt was a smoothness that would not have been out of place on a baby’s behind, but most certainly was it on the face of this particular fearsome buccaneer.

At first he groped at the lower half of his face with both hands, desperately and in vain seeking just a single, tiny hair. Then he began angling his neck strangely, grimacing, opening his eyes so wide that they nearly rolled out of their sockets – all in an attempt to assess the damage without the benefit of a mirror. Eventually he pulled at his upper lip and looked down, but all there was to be seen was paleness left by many years worth of protection from the sun.

Surrounded by the silence of living, breathing people, Jack took some moments to steady himself. Then some more, then yet a few. Eventually – very eventually – he slowly, slowly, very slowly lifted his head to face both crew and captive, feeling more naked than he ever had when he had merely been surprised in his birthday suit.

***

Elsewhere and elsewhen, a young man lowered his bottle of Tuborg Classic and let a hand glide appreciatively over his new acquisition. It felt nice, like it would lend him a certain roguish charm. Three barstools to the right along the circular bar, another young man – this one sporting a great, big, black beard, probably many years his senior – raised his bottle and smiled. The first young man grinned and returned the gesture, then drank some more beer.

Comments

[fairlyironic.livejournal.com]

I've never heard of the commercial, but this is hilarious, poor Jack!

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Poor Jack indeed :-) I've added a link to the commercial in the post, if it has any interest.

[fairlyironic.livejournal.com]

I just watched the commercial, that's great!

[quaryn-dk.livejournal.com]

Heeeeee! I get it! Very cute!

[order_of_chaos]

Squeak.
Glee!

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Thanks :-)

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

:-)

[linaelyn.livejournal.com]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

I love it. I absolutely love it. Thank you for the link to the commercial. I was not familiar with it, though I drink Tuborg from time to time, here in California.

[galadhir.livejournal.com]

LOL! Just imagining Jack trying to find his beard with both hands is hilarious, let alone imagining him trying to be impressive and piratical with the ghost outline of it marked in tanlines. *Snort*! Too funny :)

[thekestrel.livejournal.com]

LOL, LOL, This is a stitch!!! Loved it, and poor, poor Jack there goes his pride and joy.

[elessil.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

Poor Jack. But then, did James at least get in a good giggle? (and a kiss? Because really, wasting that smooth chin would be a waste)

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Glad that you enjoyed my silliness :-)

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

:-)

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Indeed - poor, poor Jack. But he still has himself a commodorial captive to cheer him up, remember ;-)

[oneiriad.livejournal.com]

Well, James probably giggled, yes, and then Jack would have pouted, no doubt, and needed kisses and more than kisses to cheer him back up - so really, I think it is just as well that he already was aboard, don´t you?